Friday, December 12, 2008

Diaper Champ. Mission Accomplished


I have a 18 month old son "Liam" who shits a whole hell of a lot. Don't let his cute face fool you. His other end is as mean as they come. This kid should be the poster child for a Fiber supplement. Anyone who has kids or had kids knows that you need some sort of receptacle to hold the poop filled diapers. It's called the diaper champ. Just so you know there was some over educated VP of marketing that came up with that name. It's no fucking Champ. Ali, Jordan, Phillies, they are champs. This plastic contraption is not.


Here is how you use it. It looks like a garbage can with a lid that has this overly engineered contraption on it. You put the diaper in and flip it. Great. So I paid $49.99 so I wouldn't have to open the lid. I'm ok with that because you would think that it would trap the smell right? Wrong, it doesn't do shit.


Here's the worst part. Since I'm a man and I do the Man's work, I have to take that shit out. The first time I did it I was totally unprepared for what hit me. I walked in, popped the lid, leaned down and grabbed the bag. The air (shit saturated) that was once inside the bag rushed to my nostrils like the wind in a cat. 5 hurricane. I immediately gagged dry heaved and began to cough. I said fuck that and walked out. This is going to take planning. I tied a bandanna around my face so I looked like a Blood gang member from Compton, put on my sunglasses, winter hat and snowboarding gloves. I only breathed through my mouth and attacked that shit filled bag like I was in an ancient roman gladiator fight. I won, that bitch was taken out twist tied and disposed of. VICTORY!!!!!. That has been my get up from that day forward. Moral of the story. Like our now president who underestimated the planning it would take to win not just a battle but a war, always be prepared for the worst. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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